Why I Don’t Pay My Kids for Good Grades

I had lunch with a sweet friend of mine the other day, and during our conversation the topics of kids, school, and grades came up. It led to a really cool discussion and I was inspired to write about it. Since we’re starting the back to school season now, what better time to share?

This might be a spicy take, but I do not give my kids money for good grades.

The reasons are nuanced and of course I encourage you to do what is right for you and your family. But for me and my crew, this works for us.

Three Reasons I DON’T Pay Kids for Grades:

1) It Connects Monetary Rewards Solely to Performance

But that’s a good thing, right? We want our kids to perform well so let’s motivate them through incentives. Sure, I hear you.

But performance is different from learning and retention. As someone who aced many school tests simply by cramming before tests and then immediately forgetting the information afterward, I want to encourage valuing info retention rather than finding the quickest path to a reward. We’re human, after all, and we will take the easiest path to what we want.

So to us, the reward for school is the education they receive, and we like to gently remind them often that it’s a privilege to value and respect. The experience is the incentive, not money.

2) Good Grades Do Not Equal Best Efforts

In our home, our kids are all different. They learn differently and perform in different environments differently. My middle son, for example has ADHD like his momma, and while he currently does well in school it hasn’t always come to him as naturally as it did for his older brother. And the case may be true for you if you have multiple kids. One child’s C might be their very best while another’s C might show they didn’t try very hard.

It’s not an even playing field. And rewarding fairly becomes tricky because a grade is not necessarily a valid metric for effort.

We do use grades as indicators of areas that need attention, and we encourage our children to tell us honestly when we inquire about additional support needed to perform their best.

3) Sibling Comparison

We appreciate that our kids are not clones of each other. They’re all different, and we adore how beautifully they balance and blend together. Their experiences are equitable but not equal, and I believe that incentivizing their performance with a single metric would nullify that message.

In our home, we try to incentivize effort wherever we can, so we pay our children for doing their jobs around the house, not paying for grades. But my clever friend pointed out that the same concepts could apply for housework. We want our kids to want to do the housework or at least understand that it must be done and build the habits while they’re young.

Now I want to hear from you! Do you pay your kids for their report cards? Why or why not? Do you agree or disagree with any of my points here? Drop a note and let’s have a friendly discussion.