The Stewing is Worse Than the Doing

My nine-year-old daughter hates picking up her room. When instructed to do so, she slumps her shoulders, sighs loudly, and slinks off to her fate. Once there, she sits cross-legged on her bed, eyes half-closed with annoyance, muttering to herself in faint whines and groans that tend to grow louder and more dramatic with each passing minute. When she’s not protesting the assignment, she’s pacing around the messy room, unable to find a starting point.

In our family, we call this “the stewing.” It’s that series of things you do when you dread dealing with something, and anxiety and overwhelm prevent you from starting. Like my daughter, I’m deeply familiar with the stewing. Even as an adult, I stew on certain things, overthinking myself into paralysis.

Are you stewing on something in your financial life? Puttering around, unsure where to start?

For me, it was investing. Until a few years ago I didn’t fully understand how investing in stocks and bonds worked, so I just… thought about it, got overwhelmed, and did nothing. I spent plenty of energy worrying about investing — worrying about not knowing enough, worrying about making mistakes, worrying about doing it imperfectly. That unproductive energy-spend tricked my brain into believing that I was doing something. But I wasn’t.

From conversations I’ve had with some of you, I know I’m not the only one who stews.

For you, it might be investing, too. Or it might be tackling debt, building an emergency fund, or planning for retirement. Shoot, it might even be just looking at your numbers. Each of these tasks can feel daunting, and if all of them need attention, hoo-boy. Enter overwhelm.

I know how intimidating it can feel to get started. I also know that, as author Gretchen Ruben says, “the stewing is worse than the doing,” pointing out that worrying about something is often way worse than just doing the thing.

So let’s break free of the stewing, flip that dreading energy into doing energy, and save the drama and stress.

“But where do I even start?” I’m so glad you asked. Start right where you are.

When my daughter gets through with her initial protest, I usually pop by her room to give her a pep-talk. “The stewing is worse than the doing, love. Start with one thing. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to get a hundred percent completed. Just look around, notice one small thing you can do, and do it.” Usually, this helps her get started and keep some momentum.

So I lend you the same simple pep-talk. In your financial life, notice one small thing that can be done. And do that one thing.

When I finally noticed that I was stewing on investing, I realized that I felt like I needed to perfectly grasp every single thing — all the concepts and keywords, all the different investing products available, the best investment firms, and what exactly those little graphs mean on my phone’s Stocks app. I had convinced myself that I needed an entire college course on the subject. I’d made the problem enormous and overwhelming. Stew city.

So I set out to understand one thing. Just one. What’s the difference between stocks and bonds? I told myself I didn’t need to understand it perfectly in one go. Just start.

I kicked the task off with internet searches. Because of course. I read simplified explanations from a couple trusted sources, and then I moved along with my day. The next day, I wanted to learn a bit more about balancing stocks and bonds, so I skimmed investing chapters in some money books, looking for the high-level information I needed. I’d find it, then I’d usually read a bit more. By the end of that week, I’d googled, read, watched short videos, listened to podcasts, and talked with friends and family who understood investing better than I did. I’d learned a lot more than I set out to learn, and after just a week I was growing more confident in my investment knowledge. By the end of the month, I’d opened a new investment account, had picked the right mix for me, and had put a good chunk of money into that fund. I’d gone from indecisive stewing to active investor in just a few days by starting small.

I have a much better grasp on investing concepts all these years later, and it’s all due to learning just one thing at a time. I’m still learning one thing at a time.

Let’s say you don’t know what your full budget should look like and that leads to the stewing. What if instead of telling yourself you have to spend 16 hours gathering every bill you’ve ever paid, every purchase you made in the last 12 months, and every transaction that ever crossed your bank account, you notice just one thing that you can learn to help you on your way? Make the problem smaller and do just one thing.

After some thought, you realize that you don’t know how much money you earn per month. Many people don’t really know how much money they make, so you’re not alone. But you can do one thing to get closer to knowing. Perhaps you can log into your employer’s HR website to look at a paystub or two? Or if you are self-employed, log on to your banking online and focus on your deposits, or you could look over your invoice history. Record that number. Do one thing.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to change everything right away. But it’s a step toward knowing something you didn’t know before… a step toward a positive change.

The next time you find yourself stewing on something in your financial life, remember it’s okay to start small. Progress doesn’t come from mastering everything overnight. It comes from choosing one manageable step and acting on it. Like my daughter picking up one sock off her floor, each small action builds momentum.

So set aside the overwhelm, and do one thing. Learn one new concept. Look up your pay stub. Open one account. Make one payment. Whatever your one thing is, let that be your starting point to stop the stewing and start the doing. You may just surprise yourself with what you can accomplish.