The Comparison Trap
I’m not the first person on the internet to discuss the downsides of comparing ourselves to others. This discussion. Has been. Had.
And when it comes to how we spend money, it’s an important topic to keep in mind. Because comparison can be a money pit.
Nearly a century ago Robert Quillen wrote a phrase that still applies to Americans today. “Americanism: Using money you haven’t earned to buy things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.” How appropriate and sad.
And yet we all do it to some degree or the other. We keep up with the Joneses. We compete and one-up through purchases.
The internet presents a very interesting situation for which there isn’t much precedent. Through TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook, consumers are exposed to more products and services than ever before, served right up to us. The days of searching for things we want to buy are waning in favor of serve-based selling. Picture it, you’re scrolling along, feeling content and BAM. You’re served up a new problem you didn’t know you had — and a magic elixir or product that cures it! Now something you’ve never thought about is your next must-have purchase.
And those friends’ and influencers’ posts about their latest trip or doo-dad? New “best ever” makeup line, shampoo, or green powder to add to your water? Those are also influencing our purchasing behavior and sneaking dollars out of your wallet. There’s a reason brands pay influencers to post about their products, friend. A very lucrative reason.
Much of this tactic is based in comparison.
But, as Teddy Roosevelt famously said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” It robs us of contentment and happiness every day.
This happens in real life, too, not just on social media. A few years ago, our neighbors bought a brand new car for their daughter when she turned 16. And I let it get to me in a way I never expected. I thought about it more than I’d like to admit and found myself wanting to buy new cars. Who was this person? I don’t even care about cars aside from having one that runs… but I found myself obsessed, thinking “we make decent money, we deserve that too.”
Eventually I snapped out of it and remembered who I was. But many times, these thoughts are more imbedded, truly believed. And it can take longer to adjust the thinking.
All my life I’ve heard my mom say, “We never know where other people get their money.” And it’s been a phrase I have to recall any time my brain starts to irrationally itch with envy like this. Because it’s very true. We don’t know. Comparison forgets this, filling in details with what are often wild assumptions.
Some people have the appearance of wealth but are saddled with crippling debt. Others might live modestly and have a financial net worth of 12 million dollars. Others may have had a tremendous windfall like inheritance and didn’t let lifestyle creep in. Personal finance is personal, and you never know where someone else’s money comes from. Be careful not to assume you do.
So if you find yourself envying a peer’s shiny new thing don’t let yourself spiral into the comparison trap. Instead 1) Remember it’s a trap and 2) Remind yourself that you never know where people get their money.
This practice can be challenging. We have to become more aware of the way we think and how the brain fills in blank spaces with assumptions. However, with awareness, accountability, and community, you can break the habits that lead you straight into the comparison trap and stay focused on your goals.