Managing Money with a Partner
Are you in a partnership where you share money? Yeah, me too. Let’s chat about it.
Money managing in marriage can be stressful. Money is the one of the top drivers of divorce in the US in 2023, according to a recent Forbes study. The study concluded that 37% of dissolved marriages cited money problems as the primary cause.
And Americans are less likely to talk about money than other volatile topics like religion and politics. In other words, we don’t talk about it.
So let’s put those data sets together for a sad realization. If we don’t talk about money the chances are pretty strong that when we do have to talk about it, we don’t do it very well.
That’s a problem. How do we get proactive?
If you’re not yet partnered and want to be partnered, keep in mind that money conversations need to happen long before the walk down the aisle. But if that day has passed, let’s take some steps to get on the right track.
Start with a dream
Get clear on what you want. Together. Be specific. Do you want to get out of credit card debt? By when? Do you want to save for a vacation? Where and when? What will you do there? Get vivid in the details to create excitement for the goal.
Get committed
Once you know what you want, commit to the dream & commit to talking about achieving it. This gives us a shared vision and accountability to our partner.
Schedule time to talk
No springing a meeting on your partner unannounced. It may be tempting to bring up a money conversation when your spouse gets home from work, but if they’re unprepared it can quickly lead to fussing and fighting. Having a money date on the calendar can be really helpful in getting you both in the right mindset.
Know where you stand
Get your numbers (your in & out). Be honest and realistic. Do you have $100 left over each month, or do you dip into savings every month? You can’t know how to get where you’re going if you don’t know where you are now.
Make a plan
At a high level, make a plan to bridge the gap from here to the dream, determine the time period, steps, and resources. Do this together. Could you cut out spending on something you don’t enjoy to never have to answer another debt collector call? Would you be willing to scale something back for a while to have that dream trip to Hawaii next year where you stay in your dream hotel and swim with dolphins? Weighing those trade offs is where having that specific vision can really come in handy.
Celebrate
Partners often skip this step, but it’s crucial. Celebrate your wins! If you achieve a goal - big or small - acknowledge it! Reward yourself and reinforce the practice. Before long, you’ll have yourself a good habit.
Learn & repeat
It’s not a one-and-done, friends. We have to talk about money regularly with our person. We might not be great at it at first - especially when it wasn’t modeled for us. But when we practice, we get better. Give space for practice and learn from mistakes.
You chose your partner for a good reason, and you can choose to be good at money together. Have grace and patience with each other.
Got a money managing story to share? A dream that you and your partner share? Send me a note or leave a comment below. Talking about money is my very favorite thing, and I love to hear from you!