How Much Is Enough?
Often times with money, we start to believe things like “if I just made more, then everything would be fine, and I wouldn’t be stressed.”
But the truth is that most of the time, the numbers have nothing to do with how you feel about money. Your feelings toward money come from a much deeper place, a subconscious place, often with roots dating back to your earliest years of life.
Your childhood likely shaped your mindset about money
Our beliefs about money are shaped by the experiences, messages, and behaviors we were exposed to growing up. If you grew up in a household where money was a source of stress, secrecy, or shame, those patterns can stick with you — even if your financial situation has changed. On the other hand, if you grew up associating money with freedom, security, or opportunity, your relationship with it may feel lighter and more empowered.
The key to shifting your financial life isn’t just about earning more, spending less, or finding the perfect budgeting tool. It’s about rewiring your brain to transform the way you think and feel about money. Mindset shapes behavior, and behavior shapes outcomes. When you start to identify and challenge the limiting beliefs you have about money, you open the door to making meaningful changes that go far beyond your bank account.
A friend of mine grew up in a household where money was never discussed. But as a child she knew that her family didn’t have as much as her friends’ families did. She absorbed that message without even a single money discussion. As she grew up, she became increasingly tight with money, saving and hoarding and depriving herself. To this day when she has to spend money, it’s a tremendously anxious experience. To my friend, money isn’t a tool. Money is a security blanket, helping her feel safe. As her earnings have grown, her scarcity mindset has remained constant. She once told me, “When my savings account hits a new high, that becomes the new benchmark that I can’t ever let it drop below.” I asked what her enough number is, and I was met with silence. There is not one.
I’ve heard Dax Shepard talk about his own money mindset on his podcast Armchair Expert. Shepard, an American actor, comedian, and writer, is married to actress Kristen Bell, and together the couple has an estimated net worth of $60 million — that’s nearly 500 times the average American household’s.
Despite his substantial wealth, Shepard has openly discussed feelings of financial insecurity. In an August 2023 episode of his podcast, he revealed experiencing what he called a “two-month spiral” of financial anxiety amid industry strikes. Shepard seems to recognize the absurdity of his concerns considering his personal wealth, and he attributes these anxieties to his upbringing. He’s shared that his parents frequently argued about money, which instilled in him a deep-seated fear of financial instability.
Shepard’s self-described financial anxieties — even with millions of dollars — highlights how early life experiences can shape one’s financial mindset, leading to persistent feelings of insecurity regardless of actual financial standing.
My friend and Dax Shepherd — with wildly different numbers in their bank accounts — both have cases of the scarcity mindset.
Contrast this with someone who has a balanced mindset — they view money as a renewable resource, and approach it with curiosity and confidence. The difference isn’t the numbers in their bank account; it’s the story they’re telling themselves about what money means.
So, how do you change your mindset around money? Start by asking yourself these three questions:
1. What stories did I grow up hearing about money? Reflect on the beliefs you inherited from your family, culture, or community. Do they still serve you, or is it time to let them go?
2. How do I feel about money today? Pay attention to your emotions around money—stress, fear, excitement, guilt. These feelings are clues that can help you uncover deeper beliefs.
3. What kind of relationship do I want with money? Visualize your ideal relationship with money. Do you want to feel calm, in control, or excited about your finances? Use this vision to guide your decisions moving forward.
Ultimately, it’s not about fixing your circumstances — it’s about transforming your mindset. When you shift your beliefs, you’ll find that the actions you need to take to improve your finances feel more natural, achievable, and aligned with your goals.
True financial confidence starts from the inside out. In the words of the 1992 En Vogue classic, “free your mind and the rest will follow.”